The Only Thing I Am Doing Right
Do you ever have one of those days? The one where you want to crawl back into bed and start over? I have contemplated this several times, until I realize a statement I have heard “around these part.” Its the idea that “you can start your day over whenever you want” – some amazing person with better perspective than me
Today, the only thing that I feel like I am doing right is staying sober. I guess that’s a good thing, since its the thing that I have failed at so often in the past. But you see, it makes me uncomfortable. I am used to doing well at other things and then rewarding (numbing) myself with the booze.
I am struggling with life – mainly parenting at this present moment. Being a parent is hard. Being an alcoholic parent (in early recovery) is freaking hard. I am trying to juggle all of my responsibilities, and it seems that someone always loses out on something. Usually it was me, and then of course I drank because I feel sorry for myself. Now, that I am putting myself on the priority list – someone else has to wait. And wait, I mean for a few minutes, a few hours, until tomorrow. Try to tell that to a 6 year old, a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old infant. Not to mention a husband who has been through hell with me and of course the house. Ahhh…I know I am doing the right thing and I am a better person because of it.
I know its going to be all right. I know that I am doing what I am supposed to. Its still flipping hard. Today was just one of those days. I’ll try again tomorrow, but at least I will wake up sober.
Hugs to all of you!